During your relationship with the narcissist, you may have been a grade A source of supply. You may have given them attention whenever they needed it. You may have validated their image and their illusion. You may have allowed them to abuse and manipulate you as they please, given them a sense of power and control over you. But towards the end of the devaluation phase, you started to see through their illusion. You started to see them for what they really are. You no longer give them as much attention as they required. You may have used the Grey Rock technique, or not answered their calls, not called them as much. Maybe you didn't reply to their texts... or you just avoided them in general. You no longer believed everything they were telling you, everything they were showing you. You no longer validated their image and their illusion. When they abused you, you may have fought back. Or you may have done your best to avoid the abuse they were throwing at you. When they were trying to distort your reality and gaslight you. You did what you could to not let your reality be distorted. You stayed true to yourself, your beliefs, values and principles. Because of everything I have mentioned, you were no longer the source of supply they needed. That doesn't mean you are not a person with high value and positive traits. That's not what the narcissist is interested in anyway. They might say that is what they were looking for, but that couldn't be further from the truth. What does a narcissist want in a source of supply? Someone who is there whenever they need them. Someone who will give them attention whenever they want. Someone who will validate their image and their illusion. The source of supply will put up with the narcissist's abuse and manipulation, without fighting back or trying to expose them. Giving the narcissist a sense of power and control. Believing in everything they tell you or show you. You have to be able to go out in public and pretend that everything is ok. No matter how chaotic and dysfunctional everything may be. The narcissist is not interested in solving problems. Behind closed doors, they want to create that same chaotic environment they experienced as children. Of course they know this isn't socially acceptable and they want to be seen as good people. So when you leave the home, you have to be able to put on a mask, just like the narcissist and pretend that everything is ok. You have to make them look good, you have to tell other people that the narcissist is this amazing, caring, loving person. Even when your reality is very different. You have to accept their version of events as yours. This should make it very clear why it was necessary for the narcissist to find a new source of supply. And it should also make it clear to you that the narcissist is not riding off into the sunset, as many survivors would otherwise believe. The narcissist never changes. They don't just leave you, find someone else and suddenly everything falls into place. That's what they want you to think. And they will have choreographed pictures and videos on social media to make you believe that is what is happening. Or they will have a story prepared for when you contact them looking for closure. All of this is prescripted, premeditated emotional abuse. And it is designed to hurt you as much as possible. They couldn't get much supply from you towards the end of the relationship. So at this point they want to drain as much as they can from you, before they move on and fully devote themselves to their new source of supply. You may be thinking this can't be true... the pictures, videos or stories look so real. It looks like they are having a good time. The narcissist might be buying them loads of gifts or giving them lots of affection. Again, this is designed to hurt you. And what you are seeing is just the beginning, the love-bombing phase. Remember when you first met the narcissist, everything was great. They mirrored you, your beliefs, values and principles. Your morals. They appealed to your own ideals. They may have told you they were all about loyalty, honesty and trust. You soon discovered that was the exact opposite of what they were about. And despite the gifts, money and affection, they could never meet your emotional needs. You always felt like something was missing, but you chose to overlook that because you wanted a loving relationship so bad. What happened with you and the narcissist is going to happen again with the new source of supply. There will be the love-bombing phase, the devaluation and then the discard. It never changes. It doesn't matter how great of a supply they are. The narcissist can never be satisfied or fulfilled with anyone or anything. They cannot sustain a relationship because they are self-hating and insecure people. They do not self reflect or look within themselves to resolve those issues. Instead they choose to project their self hate and insecurities on the people closest to them through abuse and manipulation. So really it is impossible for them to ever be genuinely happy or sustain a loving relationship. The narcissist may portray their new source of supply as being this amazing person. This person who is everything you are not and does everything that you never did. This is all part of the illusion and it is designed to hurt you. Ask yourself... what kind of man or woman would be interested in someone after they have just left a relationship. Especially a relationship that ended as dramatically as yours. Most often, the new source of supply is just looking to take advantage of the narcissist in that vulnerable moment. Unknowingly to each other, they are both being used for their own selfish needs. How could something like that ever last? When you are in a relationship, you are supposed to work with your partner, not against them. Why couldn't the narcissist just be alone after the relationship? Why did they have to obtain their new source of supply so quickly? In most cases they are cheating on you and have the new source of supply ready before the relationship has even ended. The narcissist cannot be alone for long periods of time. They experience pathological loneliness. They need constant attention and validation. They cannot be left alone with their own thoughts and feelings. Remember, narcissists are self-hating and insecure people. They cannot be left alone to ruminate on past events and over-analyse all of their insecurities. Narcissists have an addiction to people. And the reason for this is because people are a distraction to how they feel on the inside. This is why the narcissist is so externally focused. They cannot ever self-reflect or look within themselves. It's too painful for them to acknowledge. That's why they live their lives in denial. Denying any of their flaws, imperfections or mistakes. And projecting them on to the people closest to them. The narcissist's need for supply overrides anything else in their life. They are pathological. Impulsive and compulsive. It is an uncontrollable addiction. They need constant attention and validation from the people around them. They need to be seen at all times. If they are not seen, they feel like they don't exist. And that is when you will see how miserable and self-hating they truly are. A narcissist without supply is likely to experience depression and even suicidal thoughts. Without supply, they have no reason to live. Once you have seen through them, you are a lost cause and no longer of any use to them. The new source who doesn't know what the narcissist really is will fall for whatever they tell them or show to them. The narcissist is excited to have this new supply of attention and admiration. You were no longer willing to put up with their abusive and manipulative tactics, you saw them for what they were instead of how they wanted you to see them. This is why it went from the devaluation phase to the discard phase. The narcissist was no longer getting what they wanted from you - their supply. Maybe you took a step back from the abuse, you discard them or they discarded you. Either way the end result is the same, the narcissist is hungry for supply just like we might be hungry for food if we haven't eaten all day. All the narcissist can do is show you or say to you whatever they believe will have the desired effect of emotionally destroying you. It's all staged, scripted and choreographed to affect you in a certain way. None if it is real, but following the discard you are in a vulnerable place. You are looking for closure from the narcissist. They will never give you closure, they are not even capable of doing this as they cannot self-reflect or look within. But deep down I think they know exactly what you want to hear. They know exactly what went wrong, but they will never tell you. Instead they will post pictures and videos on social media for you to see. Tell you prescripted stories through text or phone call designed to hurt you. Once you see through them, they can no longer impress you, so you become boring. It's like an insult to them, they want to be seen as being everything you could ever want in a person. Without actually doing any of the work for them to appear this way. You no longer see them the way they want to be seen, so it's not satisfying their illusion, their false reality. This is why they have to find someone else. Someone who will see them in the way that they want to be seen. The narcissist and the new source will create this fantasy together, believing that it's real. Reinforcing each other's denial and false beliefs. They are fooling themselves into believing that they really have something. Check back with them in a few weeks or a few months and you will see the devaluation and discard phase. It's the same process again, just a different person, it never changes. Everything you see in the love-boming phase with the new source of supply is designed to get a reaction from you. This gives them narcissistic supply by making you feel emotional pain. You now know the truth about the narcissist and their new source of supply. So take your focus off them. You may have thought the narcissist was riding off into the sunset. Really they were riding off into the depths of hell. Focus on healing yourself from this abusive relationship and forget about the narcissist. Once they get bored of their new source of supply, they will find someone else. They may even have a secondary source of supply while they are with the new source. Otherwise they will re-idealise you once they get bored or have an argument with the new source. They will do what is known as "hoovering". Where they come back to you to see if you are still emotionally invested in them. Since they never gave you closure, they can use this as a way to get back in. This is usually done with a fake apology or saying that they needed some time apart. Do not fall for it, the narcissist is never sorry. They only wish to use you for their own selfish needs. And in many cases they will come back only to finish the job. The grass is always greener on the other side to the narcissist. They are never happy or satisfied with whoever they are with. You may be wondering why they had to cheat on you, if they did cheat. Well, hurting you makes them feel alive. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Even if there is no reason for them to cheat, they will still do it, for this reason. They are sadistic and take pleasure in your pain. They have no empathy or consideration for you. This is why it's so easy for them to cheat on you. But just know, if a person cheats once, they will always cheat again. It just depends on how many opportunities they have to cheat on you. Most of them will cheat in the first potential encounter with an attractive man or woman. Narcissists do not value relationships or even friendships, they just pretend they do until you figure them out. And once you figure them out, you will never see them the same way ever again. I'm sure you had plenty of opportunities to cheat on them. You had plenty of reasons too. The narcissist never took your feelings or your emotional needs into consideration. It was all about them and what they wanted. They didn't care about how you felt, they didn't care that they were hurting you. I'm sure there were many vulnerable moments where all you wanted was to feel loved and cared for. And you knew that the narcissist was never going to be that person. You could have cheated on them, you had every reason to do that... But the fact that you didn't should serve as a reminder of how good of a person you truly are. Something they will never be, except in their own delusional minds. And something they may never find again. I believe that they might even find someone who does the same thing to them. Someone who emotionally abuses them, cheats, lies and leaves them emotionally destroyed. It could happen within a marriage or even when they have children. That's their karma and they've got plenty of that to look forward to. So leave them to move on and deal with that. Do not contact them again. Nothing the narcissist does is good for you. They have nothing to offer you and everything to take from you. So the best thing you could've done is walked away as soon as you could. You dodged a bullet. You had a lucky escape. The longer you stay with the narcissist, the more opportunities they have to abuse and manipulate you. The more they can destroy you mentally, emotionally and even physically. They see us as objects or extensions of them. Our only use to them is to provide them with narcissistic supply. If we do not do this any more, we are of no use to them. Your good qualities cannot be recognised by a narcissist. It's like giving a $100 bill to a toddler... they don't know what they are doing to do with that. Leave it with them for ten minutes and they'll tear it up. Same thing with the narcissist... they cannot recognise or understand your value. Once you see through the mind games, you are useless. They need people to support their false image, their fantasies and illusions. Someone to provide them with supply. Once you see them for what they are, you cannot do this any more. They value a relationship more than they value themselves. It's the formula for an unhealthy relationship. They don't want a relationship, they need it to survive. People are so emotionally unhealthy these days because they are expecting a person to complete them. Only we can complete ourselves. Narcissists pretend like they have the missing piece to your puzzle. That's basically what their manipulation and trauma bond is. But the truth is they do not have the missing piece to your puzzle, you do. It's within you and it has always been there. They know this and that is why they will do whatever they can to make you believe that you are not enough. They want you to think that they are the missing piece and without them you will never be complete. The truth is, with them, you will never be complete. They are the one thing that is preventing you from being whole. Of course, the narcissist doesn't self reflect or look within. They can never find that missing puzzle piece within themselves. They try to find it through external sources, never truly feeling satisfied or fulfilled. They try to find it through other people, just as they tried to find it in you. And that's why I would just like to say this, just in case someone is watching... You will search for me in someone else... but you will never find me. But during the reckless phase, after the discard, anything goes for the narcissist. They have lost their primary source of supply and desperately need a replacement. They cannot survive without a source of supply, just like we cannot survive long without air. If a person cheats on their partner once, they will do it again, even if it's with a different partner. Often cheaters become more likely to enter a relationship where they are then cheated on and lied to compulsively. This is what I have observed from my experience. The narcissist will down-grade. The narcissist will always return to who they really are and their true standards in the end. When my ex narcs were with me it was clear to everyone that they were at a standard that they had never even seen before. After the relationship though, it is only natural that they will return to the hole where they belong. That's the real them and that is the standard that they are used to.They do not feel comfortable with a high standard person of value. They need someone who they can look down at. And if they can't make you become that person... of course they are going to find someone else. They are trying to get someone else to experience the feelings that they once felt as a child. It goes back to that puzzle piece analogy again. So I'd just like to finish this video by repeating it again... You will search for me in someone else... but you will never find me.
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