Narcissists have a desire for attention which can never be satisfied. They need people to take notice of them and regard them as interesting or important. They need people to admire them for their appearance or intelligence. Narcissists will spend most of their time in certain places or doing certain things that will generate the attention that they are looking for. They will be in busy environments where there are lots of people. Whether male or female, they will spend time prior to the event to focus on creating their desired image. So that they can extract as much attention as possible. Female narcissists will often appear to be inappropriately dressed. They will attend busy clubs or bars several nights a week, with the sole purpose of seeking attention. They will have dead-end jobs in busy environments, which they have specifically selected, knowing that it will provide them with
the attention that they are looking for.
Being in these types of environments gives them opportunities to be constantly interacting with people. As well as these physical environments, they will also be seeking attention on social media or dating sites. They have an addiction to people. They will be very flirtatious and quick to express their attraction towards someone or something. They are addicted to the energy that is being transferred to them when they interact with other people. They will stay in these busy environments for long periods of time, whether it's a club or bar or where they work. Because these environments are providing them with a constant supply of people who are acknowledging them or attending to them. Narcissists go to great lengths to be the centre of attention and to be noticed. Everything in their lives, from how they dress and where they work to what they drive, it is all specifically intended to provide them with attention and admiration. They will do whatever it takes for them to be noticed. Even destructive or reckless things which could cause problems for them or could get them into trouble. If it means that they can get people's attention, they will do it, without even considering the consequences. Because all they are thinking about at that moment is I need attention. This is how it is so easy for them to cheat on you, without even giving it a second thought. Because of their obsessive need for attention, they will do whatever it takes. Even if it makes them look bad, even if it is humiliating for them.
Narcissists were not given the attention they needed as children. They were never given the attention they needed to grow and become mature adults. Since then, it has created a pattern where they are still trying to obtain the attention they never received as a child. But no amount of attention could ever satisfy them now. This trauma of neglect was created when they were children. The only way for them to resolve it is if they self reflect or look within and then attend to their child selves. Giving their child selves the attention that they never received. But narcissists don't want to self reflect or look within, it's too painful for them. So they remain in this emotionally immature state, where they are constantly seeking the attention that they never received as a child and they will never be satisfied. Narcissists cannot be alone for long periods of time. They always need people around them. People to acknowledge or validate their existence. They don't feel as though they exist, without people around to acknowledge or validate their existence. Without people constantly around them, they would be depressed. They would be bored and have a low level of energy. They would turn to destructive or reckless behaviours. They cannot function properly without people around them to validate their false selves and their illusions. They cannot validate themselves or their illusions. Their false selves and their illusions are dependent on other people. If you do not believe in what they are saying or displaying to you, their illusion falls apart.
Narcissists always have to feel as though someone wants or admires them. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will notice that it becomes a competition. They are competing with you for attention. If you are out somewhere and someone gives you a compliment, the narcissist will become jealous. They will feel as though you have outshined them and then will react with a putdown, backhanded compliment or some other passive-aggressive behaviour. They might claim that the compliment was meant for them, rather than you. They are envious and jealous of any human interaction or stimulation you might have. This is why narcissists are known to create smear campaigns towards the end of the relationship. Because they are envious and jealous of any potential human interaction or stimulation you might have. Why are they so envious and jealous of this? It's because they do not believe they can give you the interaction or stimulation you desire. And if someone else gives that to you, it will only prove how defective, inferior and incapable these people really are. So instead of the narcissist working with you and trying to create a healthy, loving relationship. They are competing with you and with this image, they have of you in their minds. On the surface, they might act as though you are nothing special. They might treat you as though you are worthless or beneath their consideration. But this is a coping mechanism and a defence mechanism to deal with their envy and self-hatred. Deep down they do recognise your value. They recognise all of your qualities and abilities. But they will never acknowledge any of this because it's a competition. And it's a competition they cannot win unless they minimise everything about you and exaggerate everything about them. They will try to lessen your effectiveness, power or abilities in a gradual, subtle way but with harmful effects. They will try to outdo you in whatever you are doing. It becomes a competition, where they are competing with you for attention and admiration. And this is all based on their envy and self-hatred. Feeling as though they are not enough, not significant, important or attractive. This is what drives them to compete with you. They don't realise that what they are doing is basically self-sabotage. They are destroying everything they worked so hard to create. They don't see it, because they are so desperate for attention. They are so disappointed with who they really are. If you've been with them for a while, you have got to know who they really are, you have seen their true selves. You have witnessed the real person, who they are deeply disappointed with. They assume that you do not value or appreciate their true selves. Even if you haven't said or done anything that might suggest that.
In their minds, their true self is boring, unattractive, stupid. And all you have to do is witness their true selves, for them to start thinking this way. For them to start assuming your opinions or beliefs about them. Then it becomes a constant fight, an endless game where they are trying to prove something to you. As though there is more to them that what you have seen, they are better than what you think they are. When really, all of this just comes from the fact that they cannot accept who they really are. They do not believe that they are enough. They can't see that this is what their actions and behaviours are suggesting.
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