Whether it's your relationship partner, family member, friend, or anyone else, a narcissist will affect you and your life in such a negative way. They will abuse and manipulate you, devalue and degrade you, publicly humiliate and exploit you. They will develop an obsession with controlling everything about you and your life. The longer you are around them, the more your life will adapt to the way that they want it to be, and that's never going to be anything good. Narcissists are pathologically envious and jealous. Any happiness, satisfaction or fulfilment you experience will trigger them to reflect on how miserable, dissatisfied, and unfulfilled they are with their lives. You were specifically targeted by them so that they could use you to regulate their self worth, self esteem and their emotions. For this to work, they have to be able to look down on you.
You have to be worse off than them in every aspect of your life. For them to relieve the painful feelings they have of being worthless and insignificant, they have to project these feelings onto you. They have to make you feel worthless and insignificant. They have to do certain things to you to make you feel hate or anger towards them. They have to manage your life in a way where you have nothing, or whatever you have, they will always have more than you. This is designed to make you envious or jealous of them. The reason for this is because narcissists are pathologically envious and jealous. They are full of hate and anger. They do not self reflect or look within, so they can never resolve these painful feelings. Their way of temporarily relieving this pain is to project those emotions onto you. So this is why will obsessively abuse you, to make you feel hatred or anger towards them. This is will they will obsessively control you or manage what you have, to make you feel envious or jealous of them. They are already hateful and angry towards you as whatever a narcissist has, they can never be satisfied or fulfilled. While you could have the bare minimum and still be happy.
Because of this, narcissists will be pathologically envious and jealous of you. Because whatever you have, whatever you do or experience, as long as it is positive, it will reflect on them and how miserable, dissatisfied and unfulfilled they feel. For them to regulate these emotions, they must control or manage whatever you have, do or experience in life. As long as you are in contact with them, this is all they will do.
They will abuse and manipulate you, devalue and degrade you, publicly humiliate and exploit you. Control everything about you and your life. They will even control other people's perceptions of you and the environment. This is designed to keep you in a box to prevent you from hurting them or causing a narcissistic injury. Remember, anything you have, do or experience has the potential to trigger them to reflect on how miserable, dissatisfied, and
unfulfilled they feel. So you will endlessly feel as though you are walking on eggshells. Afraid to achieve or obtain anything, afraid to do or experience anything because anything little thing could set them off. I have had experiences where I was afraid to even open my mouth and talk, or even leave the house. Once the narcissist has micro-managed your life and placed you in the box, any little thing could trigger them and they could even become physically abusive towards you. As long as you stay in that box, the narcissist is able to use you to regulate their self worth, self esteem and their emotions. But once you step out of that box and start achieving or obtaining things, having experiences, this will trigger the narcissist to reflect on how miserable, dissatisfied, and unfulfilled they feel. They will become hateful, angry, envious and jealous towards you. Because they don't fully self reflect, they will not accept responsibility for how they feel. Instead they are going to blame you for their feelings. They will then abuse, manipulate, devalue and degrade you even more in an attempt to regulate these emotions.
The narcissist does not acknowledge that maybe you might want to achieve or obtain something or have experiences. The narcissist sees you as an extension of them, someone to project their negative qualities and traits on to. Or as an object that exists to serve them. Narcissists are self absorbed and lack empathy, it's all about them. They will only use you for their own gain. This is not a healthy or productive way to live. You are not allowed to achieve or obtain anything more than the narcissist. You are not allowed to have your own experiences, outside of the narcissist. You are not allowed to experience any form of happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment; any form of fun. Depending on your situation, you may not be allowed to have a social circle, a job, hobbies and interests, your own money. Maybe you're not even allowed to leave the house. This is really damaging to your psychological, emotional and even physical health. You have free will to do whatever you want in your life and no narcissist has the right to take that away from you. So if the narcissist is controlling your life, trying to stop you from living your life, you really need to get out of there. When you are going no contact from the narcissist, you need to detach your emotions from them. You need to stop thinking about what they are doing or how they might be feeling about you going no contact with them. You need to stop ruminating on past events or anticipating any hoover attempts the narcissist might make.
Focus on yourself. Focus on improving yourself and your life. Focus on your recovery. Make the most of each day, don't spend too much time sitting around at home. This will only give you more time to think about them. You may need to process some experiences and emotions from dealing them. Set aside some time each day where you can focus on these thoughts and feelings. If you start thinking about them while you are going about your day, just remind yourself that you have set aside some time for that. The narcissist may try to hoover you. They might try to test if you are still interested or emotionally attached to them. You must continue to go no contact. Do not respond to any form of contact from them. They are not looking to benefit you in any way, they do not have your best interest in mind. They are only looking to use you for whatever it is they need in that moment. If you see them in person, do not start a conversation with them. If they decide to talk to you, use the grey rock technique. If they ask questions, give yes or no answers. Do not open up to them, do not reveal any of your thoughts or feelings. Do not hold long conversations, tell them that you need to go, you have things to do.
Remember, narcissists use conversations to emotionally abuse and manipulate you. It is also a transfer of energy. When you are having conversations with them, you are absorbing their negative energy. You have to be consistent with no contact, or it will not work. The narcissist might test you to see if you are still interested or emotionally attached to them. They might try to make you laugh or act as though they have something to give to you. They will want to return to the love-bombing phase so that they can secure you as a source of supply all over again. You have to remain consistent. While you were with the narcissist, they learned you. They know how to push your buttons, they know what might make you want to come back, they know what would normally make you respond to them. Remember they are predators, they study your behaviours. This is why you have to be consistent with no contact.
Once you go no contact with the narcissist you will be able to live your life the way that you would like. You will start to recover your energy. You will become so much happier. It can be difficult at first, as you may have developed a trauma bond or attachment to the narcissist. But over time, this will go away and you will start to recover from the abuse. As long as you stay with the narcissist, nothing is going to change. Or at least, nothing will change in a positive way. It usually gets worse as time goes by. As they begin to normalise their dysfunctional behaviour and become hypersensitive to any little thing you might achieve, obtain, or experience. They then have to abuse you more and more to get the same relief, rush of adrenaline, or excitement they had when they first started abusing you. This is how backhanded compliments or put-downs can soon turn into physical abuse, rape or even murder. Abuse is progressive, it escalates with each episode. This is why you really need to go no contact. Even if you haven't experienced any physical or sexual abuse, narcissistic abuse is more damaging. It can cause brain damage, mental illnesses, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, adrenal fatigue, and much more psychological, emotional, and physical health problems.
When you go no contact with a narcissist, you need to be cautious. Rejection will cause a narcissistic injury which could lead to them attempting to harm you in some way. Some narcissists will even harass and stalk you for years. You need to be very careful around these types of people, especially as you are going no contact, as you never know how they are going to react, once you have caused a narcissistic injury. Going no contact will affect them. They might have arrested development, but they are still human. They still fear loss. Psychopaths might be different, they feel fear, but have trouble in automatic detection and responsivity to threat. But narcissists will be affected by you going no contact, it will cause a narcissistic injury. They will feel that you are withdrawing from them and they will be emotionally affected by this. They will become anxious and they will be thinking about you. Some narcissists may harass and stalk you even after you go no contact. They have a sense of arrogance and entitlement, in their minds you are an extension of them, or an object designed to serve them. When you go no contact with the narcissist you are sending them a very powerful message. You are telling them that you can live without them, you do not need them. This will also make you feel more confident. Having this independence of them will boost your self worth, self esteem, self assurance, self belief and self respect. You can live your life without their obsessive control. Without being abused and manipulated every day. No more devaluation or being degraded. No more public humiliation or exploitation. You can be free to live your life the way that you want to live. You can develop social circles, start a new career, have hobbies and interests. You can recover from narcissistic abuse and have healthy relationships. You can be what you want to be, do what you want to do.
You can be YOU.
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