First I would like to begin by describing what you are most likely dealing with in this narcissistic relationship. Understand that nothing a narcissist says does or thinks says anything about your value as a person. A narcissist cannot recognize your value. It's like giving a $100 bill to a toddler. They are just going to tear it up. They are not going to recognize the value of the $100 bill. Do not believe anything the narcissist says about you. Their thoughts and ideas are not credible, as they are operating from an abusive and manipulate mindset. They are filled with hate, anger, and envy. So naturally, everything they say is going to be biased and against you.
The narcissist was either abused, neglected, or didn't live a life as fulfilling or satisfying as they would have wanted to. They felt limited in their progress from a young age. So now you must be abused, neglected, and live an unfulfilled, dissatisfying life. Dr. Ross Rosenberg's Human Magnet Syndrome states that narcissists and codependents are attracted to each other. Codependents are also known as people with self-love deficit disorder. So if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is most likely that you are a codependent or SLD (self-love deficit). SLDs often appear to have no self-belief on the surface, but deep down they might have some belief in themselves. With narcissists, it's the other way around. On the surface they are arrogant and boastful, portraying an illusion that they do have self-belief. This is only the tip of the iceberg because underneath that is a lot of self-hate, anger, and envy. Narcissists have lost belief in themselves. This is why their mission is now to sabotage anyone who does believe in themselves. They will try to change your perception of yourself and the world around you. When people do things like this it should tell you that they are miserable and not happy with their lives. They are very envious people. Especially envious of Empathic people who are highly sensitive to their experiences in the world. The narcissist could have 100x more than you and still not be as satisfied as you are. Narcissists all secretly hate each other, they act like they're all together but that couldn't be further from the truth. It's just an illusion that they have created to make it look like it's only you that they don't like. They want to single you out but the truth is they all hate each other, they're just pretending to be together to make you believe that there is something wrong with you. If a person felt no hate, anger, or envy, there would be no motive to abuse or manipulate another individual. So any time the narc tries to abuse you, just remember that. Let it be a reminder to you that you are above them and they are obsessively trying to bring you down to their pathetic level. They end up doing things even they thought they would never be doing. Because they're so impulsive and reckless. They become more and more abusive, their narcissism becomes biological. The worst part is they can't even see it because they have no self-awareness and they never self reflect.
Narcissists will target your boundaries. They want to be the exception to your rules. The narcissist does not respect themselves, so they do not recognize any self-respect that you may have. As a child, the narcissist had no boundaries or privacy. As this narcissistic child grows up they will set extreme boundaries for themselves and pathologically try to eliminate your boundaries. This is the only way that they can feel comfortable. No boundaries are definitely psychologically damaging for both the narcissist and its victims. Narcissists hate boundaries more than anything. They want to maintain their dysfunctional ways of thinking. They demolish your boundaries to regain their power and control over you. In their minds, they feel so powerless and out of control. They can't control themselves, so they try to control you. You are also an object or an extension of them. They believe that they own your mind, body, and soul. It is their property and not yours.? Your life is their life and they should be in control of it. They have tried so hard to keep your boundaries down, now any attempt to rebuild them, no matter how small deeply hurt them. Breaking your boundaries becomes an addiction to them, where they get a dopamine hit in their brains every time they do it. It becomes an endless obsession, a loop which they cannot get out of no matter how hard they try. But although they believe they have the power and control by breaking your boundaries, they actually don't. You have total control over them and everything they do. They are dependent on you like a drug, though they can never get that first high. They are living in an endless nightmare chasing a feeling they will never find. These individuals get themselves caught up in a lot of stuff where they cause self-injuries and self-destruction.
You have two options to cope with the narcissist. You could go no contact. Which means no contact in person, on the phone, text, social media, or e-mail. But in most situations, the narcissist will make you financially dependent on them, which is a common tactic they all use to prevent you from leaving the relationship. The only other option is to use the "Gray Rock Method". This method can be very effective and should allow you to keep your sanity and positivity while still remaining in the relationship. It involves keeping the narcissist out of your head, while they are still in your life. The Gray Rock is a method of interacting with the narcissist which creates disinterest. It breaks the supply of energy that you would normally transfer to the narcissist. It helps to prevent them from sucking the life out of you, as they would normally do. You become a dull, gray rock. Boring and disinteresting. Narcissists feed off chaos, drama and dysfunction. They will do or say whatever it takes to provoke a negative reaction from you. The Gray Rock method involves removing or toning down your reactions to the narcissist. You can either do this all at once, or you can gradually tone down your emotional responses whether they are positive or negative. Do not tell the narcissist that you are practicing the Gray Rock method. Limit your conversation and do not reveal your thoughts or emotions to them. Let them do most of the talking and keep your responses as short as possible, 2 or 3 words. Do not share anything positive or negative with the narcissist. There is a risk that the narcissist might ramp up their game to see if they can break through your Gray Rock method and get you to react. If you still do not react, they are going to give up as they are no longer receiving narcissistic supply from you. They will move on to look for a more convenient source of supply. There are two risks to using the Grey Rock method. Over long periods of time, you could be teaching yourself to live in a dissociative state of mind. You could be dimming your own light. This risk can be prevented by spending time with people who are not narcissists. You need to have time to be yourself, your true self.
The other risk of using the Grey Rock method is that the narcissist might discard you. The purpose of discarding is for when they see you as not being efficient enough for them anymore. They believe that they have completed their mission. I will do a video on the discard phase of a narcissistic relationship soon. If there is a possibility that this could happen to you, I would recommend you ensure that you have the financial capability to leave, supportive family and friends, or anyone else who can help you. You might feel comfortable in your current situation but ask yourself "Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?". With someone who can never truly appreciate or love you. Someone who can never give you what you want. There is so much more to life than that but by now you should know that the narcissist isn't even about that. You will never be genuinely happy with a narcissist. You will never live a fulfilling life. You will only settle for the bare minimum because that is all they are really capable of and they have no belief or motivation to achieve anything greater than what you already see.
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