Hoovering

The Narcissist Hoovering You. Named after the vacuum cleaner. It's a technique narcissist and manipulative people use to suck you back into the relationship. A technique performed through text, e-mail, phone calls, notes, other people (flying monkeys), or any other form of possible communication with you.

Be aware of your weak spots - They target your weak spots to reopen communication. Hoovering is used to ensure you are still sucked into their game. They do not return to you because they care or love you. They are not capable of love. The narcissist will hoover you if they believe you are still emotionally attached to them. If you're not, they're not going to waste their time. They will not hoover you if they know that you can see through their BS. Once you've seen through them, you become a lost cause. You are of no use to them now. They will move on to the new source, who does not know what they are really about. The new source is unaware that they are dealing with a narcissist. All they see is this loving, caring person with a good personality, just as you saw in the beginning. They will even change themselves to appeal to whatever the ideals of the new source are. But because they are so quick to discard, they don't have time to properly measure up the new source. Often in the reckless phase, the narcissist can get someone pregnant, or be pregnant themselves if this is the female narcissist. Many of them even end up with sexually transmitted infections. Their standards drop and they are willing to do whatever it takes to secure the new source. They also take pride in their reckless behaviour, as it is giving them a sense of reward from the dopamine hit they are receiving.

They usually end up letting themselves go and becoming worse than they were when they were with you. They remember how much better and how much easier their lives were when they were with you. So naturally, they've gotta come back, they have got to try to get back in. They reminisce on the times they had with you. Life was much easier for them. They always see the past as better than it was and they always see the grass being greener on the other side. And this happens both when they are with you and when they leave. They found a new source because they thought the grass was greener on the other side. But even when they find the new source, they're still thinking the grass is greener back on your side. They realize you're healing from the abuse, so they're trying to come back, trying to make you love them again. But the truth is they do not love you, they never did, narcissists are not capable of experiencing real love. The only thing they loved is what you gave to them. They need constant attention and validation. That's why they are all over social media, uploading loads of pictures. They also need to feel like they are in control. When they are with you they have to gradually take control of everything. Your mind, body, and soul. Your thoughts, emotional state, beliefs, values, principles, and morals. Your career, friendships, relationships, hobbies, finances. They have to be in control of your entire life because they are hypervigilant and believe that you are always out to get them.

If you do not allow them to feel like they are in control of you, they will discard you. If they do not see an opportunity to get back in and take control of you again, they will not hoover you. Going back to them could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. You will never gain anything with them, you always lose more than you came in with. As soon as you go back to them you have just sacrificed your happiness, your positive energy, and your boundaries. If you go back to them all you will get is abuse, manipulation, and a distorted reality with no closure. They can not give you love, they are not capable of experiencing real love. They lack the ability to experience a genuine emotional connection. And this also makes it impossible to have good sex with the narcissist. The narcissist is self-absorbed and doesn't care about making you feel good, it's all about them.

So what good are they? Where is the value in the narcissist? What could you possibly gain from going back to them? How do you protect yourself from the narcissist? Accept that it is not a relationship, it never was. See it for what it really was; you were nothing but a pawn in their sick game. They will never change. They only get better at hiding their true selves and better at their craft of abuse and manipulation. They have no remorse or empathy for what they do. This is what makes them who they are.