What do I mean when I say that? The definition of "enmeshed" is the "cause to become entangled in something." You are involved in a difficult situation from which it is hard to escape. And this is a typical result of engaging with narcissists or narcissistic abuse. In the beginning, you having some interesting conversations with them, when they are putting on this fake, positive, and interesting personality. Then the mask begins to slip and you see who they really are. Now they are abusing and manipulating you. When you are around narcissists, you become caught up in all of their issues. Life was so much easier before you became enmeshed with the narcissists. Now your time is taken up by trying to resolve all of the problems these narcissists have brought into your life. You have become stuck in the narcissistic web of drama and chaos. It's like they cannot get anything right. It's as though these narcissists are magnets to drama, chaos, misery, problems, and negativity. Ever since you have been around them, it is as though you have attracted all of these problems into your life. But take the narcissists out of the situation and I can guarantee you wouldn't have most of those problems. The narcissists bring their drama and chaos with them into the relationship. They cannot resolve these issues on their own. They cannot self-reflect, they cannot look within. So they have to dump their emotional baggage on to you. They have to create issues and situations in your life so that theirs doesn't seem so bad. It's almost like they are prone to having these issues and situations.
You wonder how they could have all of these issues and emotional baggage. The reason is that they don't self-reflect, they cannot look within themselves. So when something problematic comes up, what do they do? They gaslight you, tell you that you're crazy or it's in your mind. They will even spend their entire lives in denial, acting as though the problem doesn't even exist. Narcissists run from serious issues. And creating these issues and situations in your life, keeps you trapped in their narcissistic web of chaos and drama. Which is exactly what they want. They act as they hate you and they want you to leave. But the truth is, they're the only obstacle that's keeping you from getting out of there. They will intentionally create these issues and situations because they do not want you to leave. They want to keep you trapped and enmeshed with them. They want to continue their crazy behaviour and never self-reflect or try to resolve it. And they want you to be crazy with them. Yes, let's all be crazy together forever and ever. That's exactly what they want, that's what they live for. Being enmeshed with narcissists is a nightmare. Even if you manage to avoid all of the crazy situations they create, there are always the more subtle forms of abuse. At some point, you will have to have a conversation with them. You have to listen to them talk and you already know, before the conversation even begins, there's going to be subtle manipulation, emotional abuse, backhanded compliments, or put-downs hidden within their word vomit. They have this obsessive-compulsive desire to obtain supply from you in every conversation. After a while, you will just stop listening and they will notice that. They will become aware that they are no longer getting to you. They are no longer irritating you or making you feel a certain way. That's when the conversation will end and they will go about their day, trying to find another way to obtain supply. But you know, it's only a matter of time until they come back to you again. And there is never going to be a normal conversation without the abuse, manipulation and backhanded compliments.
You don't want to deal with it. But you also know that if you ever confront them about their abusive and manipulative ways, they will only deny the whole thing and call you crazy or blame it on you. So you remain trapped in the narcissistic web of chaos and drama. You remain stuck and involved with some of the most difficult, unreasonable people in the world. You remain enmeshed with the narcissists. And once you catch on to their game, they will try to make you believe that they are about something. They will try to show you whatever it is that they think you want to see. The caring, understanding person you expect them to be. But even then, it's just an illusion, an act. That's not who they really are. They are not about any of that. They are not even capable of being that kind of person. It's just another form of manipulation and another way for them to obtain a supply.
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